05 August 2009

Seven Guys I'm Not Intimidated By

One "Married Jake" has a list of seven guys men are intimidated by. My personal sentiments are in italics.


1. Anyone who plays the guitar
I can't play the guitar. I can't do anything except for type and make guacamole. Ergo: I have always kept my women away from dudes with "axes."


Well, I also can type and make guacamole; and I don't play the guitar either. I started to learn in my youth, but was pre-occupied with saxophones and percussion -- which, I discovered, were as popular with the ladies as guitars. So, there you have it.

2. Dudes who can, like, change your valves
It's even worse if he's a guy who knows about cars and is all humble about it.

Well, I can do lots of stuff on cars, except things like change your valves. But I can do other things with my hands, things of a non-intellectual nature. (No, I'm not referring to sex. Get your mind out of the gutter.)

3. Your older brother

Please. I am the older brother.

4. Your friend's boyfriend
You know, the guy you always mention when we're being idiots. "John never does that to Jenny," you say. Man, when John comes around we're really on our best behavior.

I am the friend's boyfriend, or, in this case, husband. My wife's friends and co-workers don't believe half the stuff my wife tells them about the things I do for her. Ask her if she remembers (aside from the week before this past July 4 weekend) the last time she scrubbed the bathroom, or the kitchen floor, or did the carpets. Want her email address?

5. The kid you went to high school with and was your best friend for a while but you never dated because he was kind of nerdy but now he's gained some weight and is super successful and you realize you really missed out with that one ...
Am I the only one who has encountered one of these with every girlfriend?

Me again. Okay, not super successful, depending upon your definition of successful. But I was that nerdy kid. Thanks to some good coaching, and the Army, I gained some weight. Now, I'm still a bit nerdy. But I don't recommend doing as instructed should you ever see a "Kick me" sign on my back.

6. Marines
Man, a Marine started talking to my wife at a bar not that long ago. And I thought: that guy could kick my butt, tell a heart-rending story that would make her cry, and ask to be called "Captain" all at once ... I don't like him.

I wasn't a Marine, but I have it on good authority that my decision to join the Army was the Marines' loss. So, not very intimidated here, either. I, too, could kick "Jake's" butt and tell his wife a heart-rending story that would make her cry, but I'd have to ask to be called "Sergeant" instead. I would, however, be intimidated by a Green Beret or Navy Seal. Besides, I would never knowingly do or say anything to intimidate another man regarding his wife or girlfriend. For one thing, I'm married, so there'd be no point. (I don't know, however, that I could not unknowingly do so.) For another thing, to try to come between a man and his woman, in any way, is not demonstrative of love for one's neighbor.


7. Your father
Especially if he was a Marine, a firefighter and a mechanic who also plays the guitar.

He wasn't a Marine, a firefighter or a mechanic who plays the guitar. On the other hand, he wasn't that nerdy kid in his high school, where, as a matter of fact, he played on the football team, which I did not. (I was a runner.) Beyond that, I have no further comment.

There is, at least theoretically, one guy I could be intimidated by: a man who might treat my wife better than I do. That's the guy we all should be intimidated by. That's the guy who keeps me on my toes.

About Me

James Frank Solís
Former soldier (USA). Graduate-level educated. Married 26 years. Texas ex-patriate. Ruling elder in the Presbyterian Church in America.
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